Days had quickly turned into weeks, and before I knew it, months would ensue with unresolved fear and worry. From within, a conflict was evolving, thus affecting my worship. I prayed to God, to break whatever barrier within me. Little did I know the answer would be revealed the very next day.
It was 5:00 a.m. when I awoke from my sleep. The enemy was attacking my faith like never before. I began to pace the floor, quoting Scripture one minute while doubting my faith the next. A battle which had raged for months was about to be conquered.
In the next room, from where I was sleeping, stood my Mother’s library. Rows of book shelves lined the walls with Bibles, commentaries, and encouraging truths to comfort wounded souls. Yet hanging from those shelves were the most amazing visuals. Scripture passages, hand written by my Mother, were taped on many of the ridges. Those verses would soon be used to calm a hurting heart.
On this particular morning, my Mother was engaging in her daily routine, sitting in her library, bathing her soul in the Word of God. I had no intention of saying a word about my distress. I just needed company. Yet the minute I walked into her library, she looked at me and uttered, “What’s wrong?” As soon as I heard those words, I went to the floor on my knees, sobbing uncontrollably.
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17 NASB)
A once-balanced life was now in question. Where was God leading me? What was the path I was to walk down? And if I were to be honest, the matter that pierced my soul the most was, “God, where are you?”
My mother refrained to offer counsel, yet instead, immediately began to pray. The more she called out to God, the harder I cried. Consequently, loads of sadness overwhelmed my soul. However, the barrier which needed breaking was nothing more than my own will.
After a time I arose from the floor only to fall into my mother’s bed. Tears continued to flow as I heard my mother begin reading the Scriptures she had pasted on her book shelves. As she quoted the passages, she would stop and pray, and then continue the Scripture regime. During her citing, two verses from the Psalm flooded my soul.
“Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk; For to You I lift up my soul.” (Psalm 143:8 NASB)
In a matter of moments, my mother’s voice was fading in and out. The Lord was gently putting my body back to sleep while setting my soul to a complete rest. From brokenness came a peace and calmness that only God could bring.
Later as I awoke once more, I was interested in reading the entire Psalm of David from which my Mother had earlier quoted. I was amazed, to say the least, at how a man after God’s own heart had struggled in the same way I had.
“Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; My heart is appalled within me.” (Psalm 143:4 NASB)
Just like David, we all have our moments when life seems to hit hard. Questions fill our minds while doubts engage our hearts. Yet God understands these periods and stands ready to flood our souls with His love, grace, and truth. He is only a prayer away.
One of my favorite passages of Scripture, quoted by David, derives from another part of the Psalm. It states…..
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13 NASB)
While David struggled with mixed emotions, begging to control his life, He made a decision to believe in God’s faithfulness; therefore never losing heart. In other words, David trusted his Lord while refusing to be shaped or influenced by his surroundings.
No matter what we are facing or will face in days to come, Our God is faithful. He will never leave us nor forsake us. And even though the path we are treading may be difficult, God has a purpose for the course as well as for the traveler. We must continue the journey with the assurance that God will come through for His children. For He is faithful to His promises.
I leave you with the following passage. To me, it says it all….
“Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14 NASB)
Don’t lose heart, my friend. Believe, just as David did, and the many that have come after him, that you will see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living. Take courage for God promises to strengthen your heart. He is faithful!
“The circumstances of a saint’s life are ordained of God. In the life of a saint there is no such thing as chance. God by His providence brings you into circumstances that you can’t understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands. God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose through the intercession of the Spirit in you. Never put yourself in front of your circumstances and say, ‘I’m going to be my own providence here; I will watch this closely, or protect myself from that.’ All your circumstances are in the hand of God, and therefore you don’t ever have to think they are unnatural or unique. Your part in intercessory prayer is not to agonize over how to intercede, but to use the everyday circumstances and people God puts around you by His providence to bring them before His throne, and to allow the Spirit in you the opportunity to intercede for them.”
― Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest: Traditional Updated Edition